Hey, Slow it down. Whataya want from me, Whataya want from me? Yeah, Im afraid. Whataya want from me Whataya want from me? There might have been a time when I would give myself away Oh, once upon a time I didnt give a damn But now, Here we are So, whataya want from me Whataya want from me
Just dont give up Im working it out Please dont give in I wont let you down It messed me up Need a second to breathe Just keep coming around Hey, Whataya want from me Whataya want from me Whataya want from me
i've been thinking about this for quite some time now. i just realised that with nats being this close, and njcc even closer, we are still unprepared to race. in fact, i think unprepared is an understatement, we still have a loooong loooong way to go.
before this week, i was thinking, especially with cj asking us to write our reflections and stuff, i thought deep and hard on what we (me + jarrod) have done on a c2. in fact it was nothing much. tbh, it still is. if i were to rewind time back to scm, we're still uncoordinated, direction still haywire. now, it's still the same.
damn, if i could rewind time, i'd rewind it back all the way to last yr so that i'll be more serious.
back then during scm, jarrod died in front of me. after that, somehow or rather, one of us would die during training. be it sick, or orientation, or any other nonsense la. its sad. i thought about this really hard especially aft yesterday's awful mishaps. in my mind, it's like: there's no way this could happen to me now. competition's so close, yet we're so far. now i'm injured, and this uncoordinated partnership will just continue. i dislike this.
in fact all we need is time. time to recorrect mistakes. time to train more. unfortunately life isn't all that fair, contrary to what wy always says.
i look at the other c2 and was wondering, wow, they're on par with hadrian when they themselves had an uncoordinated partnership recently during scm period. had. in other words, not any more.
i'm not implying another jarrod. if u feel that way i'm truly sorry. i wrote on my reflections that we have a common goal which we had set not long before scm. in fact, we have an oath. and i'm very sure jarrod wrote the same thing cause cj had similar replies for both of us.
but frankly, i havent been taking the oath seriously. not a single bit actually, and i regretted it. its maybe one of the reasons why we're not working together well. we still have a long way to go. our direction is still a mess and it took me till yesterday to realise how horrendously awful it was and how much work we still need to put in.
wow, yesterday really opened my eyes. especially when we were labelled to be 'unprepared for the liangjin' when the other pair is prepared. in fact, they could possibly get a better boat. i'm not portraying prejudice here, i'm happy for them, yes. but when it comes to things like this, similarly for the k2s, there will be the others who will get the shorter end of the straw. and we're it. life's unfair and i now sorta feel dlim's pain slightly...
i agree though, we're not prepared. but its more that that, i'm mad at the fact that we arent'. maybe that's why i've been screaming much much.
my hearts breaking apart and so is my arm....
i'm sorry jarrod. i really feel like giving up right now. you may just see this as a bunch of words on your screen, but i'm actually crying right now...
i'm screwing everything up. we both used to on par with hadrian in our c1s yet when i'm in control, both of us couldnt keep up anymore. not saying i miss those days, but no, in fact, i miss those days. why cant we keep up with hadrian anymore? i'm seriously screwing both of us up. not only direction, it's everything.
i'm really really confused now... like idk... something that needs to be done but i dont know where to begin cause it's a lot... it's a lot...
... 12:01 am
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Musli Temasekian Victorian ACSian Ncc(Sea) Senior Peer Leader PSB ExCo Curriculum Head 1SC9 2SC9 AEP 16 yrs old 17 Feb '92 Aquaries Emo, not emo Muslimin
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